My crazyness could ruin my marriage.. please help!

I will try to make this short and to the point, i know i hate reading long threads. I guess i need to start at the root of my situation in order to get the most helpful responses...
Im 26 I grew up having a great life, never raped or in an abusive house or any issues there just so were clear. My issues stem from a combination of bad past relationships, and seeing first hand the disgusting percentage of men that are unfaithful and the real value of marriage today... Let me allaberate.. Ive been through the ringer when it comes to pigs (unfaithful men)...been cheated on, aside from left for an ex gf, and left for an ex wife all from different boyfriends. That was the first degree of my emotional turmoil...
I was a bartender before i got my sh*t together and in that period of time i witnessed an overwhelming number of unfaithful marriages, it was devastating to watch... On top of it all- the one relationship i always admired and looked to for inspiration, the one that gave me hope- turned out not to be so admirable. (My parents after near 30 years)
Be it a run of bad luck or bad karma, the amount of extreme emotional damage and everything i had been through up to that point resulted in my HATE of all men, i lost any and all kind of hope in marriage or any kind of lasting relationship i had left. In turn i became celibate and avoided any kind of emotional connection with a man. I was to the point that i actually wished i could become a lesbian and avoid ever becoming involved with a man again. Unfortunately im just not at all attracted to women...
Then i met my current husband. He really put himself through a lot to win me over. I seen what a genuine good guy he was. He restored a small amount of belief that good guys might actually exist. So i gave it a try. For the first year and a half he felt like he was the only one in the relationship, and he had good reason. I cared about him but I still kept contact with all my guy friends, he hated that and it caused alot of problems. For me it was my way of not getting in to deep and letting myself be 100% commited and vulnerable again.
That helped lead to a series of physical abuse from his part. (working on the root of this problem..he was abused throughout childhood) This isnt even where my problem lies, so i dont want all the focus to be here. He is honestly an all around amazing guy apart from that. My thoughts were i would rather endure the physical pain any day over any more emotional damage. My thoughts are if that was the only thing really wrong with him then im golden. At least that's something you can work on together...
I had no doubt that he was the guy for me. We got married, it made me feel more secure with him.. I finally stopped talking to guys and tried being 100% with him. I excepted that i really loved him and if i didnt change i would lose him. I completely let my guard down, things were amazing... Then one night we came across this new feature on facebook that saves your people search history (our computer monitor is our tv) we were sitting on the couch next to each other when I looked at his history, Not expecting to find anything since he hates facebook and hardly ever gets on the thing...I seen he had looked up his ex wife...
This is where my issues start- In that moment i experienced something ive never felt before. Not sure what to call it... A total meltdown, severe panick attack, Horrible anxiety? Not quite sure. Felt like a mix of all the above. I was hyperventilating, couldnt breath felt like i was going to throw up all at the same time. A flood of thoughts took over my head- He is thinking about her, that means he misses her! OH MY GOD! how could i be so stupid and blind?!! I got an overwhelming feeling that i had been blind sighted and that he is actually just another pig like all the rest. I didnt know what to do, threw a bag together and was tying to leave. He tried calming me down, telling me i was in no condition to be driving anywhere. He didnt know what to do as he had never seen me like that either. I couldnt see or think straight, i knew there was no way i could drive. So i stayed. When i finally got myself under control we talked about the cituation.It was a long heated debate, he got angry when he found searches of mine for ex's, comparing his one time looking up an ex to my looking up several exes. Even tho what seems like a valid point, i couldnt reason. I knew what my intentions were, to me it just wasn't comparable. He said he never contacted her, he swore up and down that not a single part of him misses her or would ever consider taking her back. He claimed he looked her up because he was told her new husband looked just like him. I decided to believe him...
I tried to tell myself- move foreward, forget about it, i was over reacting that it really wasnt a big deal. I could only wish- I found that was impossible.
Ever since i found that, And what i experienced... I knew what i found was such a tiny matter, and that if he were to really leave me for her or cheat, anything related of a larger scale... I would be SO screwed!! I would be so entirely ruined beyond repair that there would be no coming back from that. Probably ever!! I might as well be dead, i would already be emotionally dead... I started acting completely out of character for myself. My time from then on was consumed by digging and more digging trying to find any thread of evidence that this man isn't the good guy i have been lead to believe; that he will hurt me if i dont take action and get out while there is still pieces of me still left..
I acted like a crazy person- spending hours looking through his entire email accounts dating back to before we even got together. Researching how to recover deleted text and facebook messages. Phone history- anything i could get my hands on that might tell me something. Questioning every motive. I would see what i was doing and know i was acting like a total NUT, but i couldnt make myself just stop and get off it already.
My crazyness has calmed way down, i gave up on trying to dig up things on him. It just hurts that he doesnt understand my situation or try to. Although he thinks he has it all figured out, He calls the things i was hurt by in the past so petty and that i just crave attention. I just wish he would try to do some real research and understand a little better. He is very hard to talk to about my issues so it would be nice to get some outside opinion. Also a small part of me wonders if the abuse part is still lingering subconsciously? Like an unclosed wound? Maybe helping to fuel the fire of what was my crazyness?
I dont know, im just trying to find answers...
All that aside..We have been married a little over a year and I love him more than anything, i honestly couldnt imagine life without him. We are each others best friend, we do everything together. We even started our own business and work everyday together! And yet we never get sick of each. More than anything i want to be able to trust my husband fully without reservations. I have no reason not to! I really feel that he would never hurt me. I just wish i knew how to let go of my insecurities, its nothing but toxic junk. There are so many better things to focus on like a long and happy marriage! If anyone can relate and grant some advice that would be so much appreciated. I love to read, maybe there is a book i can benefit from? Even if there is no advice to be given, its been refreshing to vent. So thanks for reading

Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/66102-my-crazyness-could-ruin-my-marriage-please-help.html

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Robert Pattinson Still Not Confirmed For On-Hold 'Queen Of The Desert'

Before you get too excited about the potential team-up of Robert Pattinson, Naomi Watts, and Werner Herzog on "Queen of the Desert," MTV News has an update on the project straight from Park City, Utah. At Sundance promoting her new film, "Two Mothers," Watts stopped by to speak with Josh Horowitz about the upcoming project, [...]

Source: http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2013/01/23/robert-pattinson-queen-of-the-desert-update/

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Helping healthy cells could be key to fighting leukemia, research suggests

Public release date: 22-Jan-2013
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Contact: Gilead Amit
44-020-759-46702
Imperial College London

Researchers at Imperial College London have shown that keeping healthy blood cells alive could be a more important tool in the fight against leukaemia than keeping cancerous cells at bay.

The team used computer modelling to show that maintaining a friendly environment for healthy cells was more effective than targeting the damaged cells directly. This result could change the way leukaemia is treated, as cancer treatment has traditionally relied on fighting disease rather than maintaining health.

A better understanding of the processes taking place in the bone marrow could therefore allow doctors to take earlier and more targeted action in combating leukaemia.

A cancer of the blood, leukaemia is thought to survive and grow through the action of leukaemia stem cells (LSCs), which multiply within the bone marrow. Here they face competition for resources with haematopoietic stem cells (or HSCs), which are responsible for producing and maintaining all the different varieties of healthy blood cell within the body.

The paper, published in the Journal of the Royal Society Interface today, is the first attempt to model competition between these two types of cells using methods borrowed from the world of ecology.

Lead author Adam MacLean said: "The first researchers to model competing populations mathematically were looking at predators and prey - famously lynx hunting wild hares. Whilst we don't have predator and prey cells, we have two cellular species who directly compete against each other for resources, and our models analyse how that competition plays out within the biological niche of the bone marrow."

The team carried out computer simulations to find conditions that would result in vanishing numbers of leukaemia cells. They found that the greatest chance of beating leukaemia came from maintaining a healthy population of HSCs, rather than trying to eradicate the LSCs directly.

According to Michael Stumpf, Professor of Theoretical Systems Biology and one of the paper's co-authors, "maintaining health is more likely to eradicate leukaemia than fighting leukaemia directly without taking care of the healthy stem cells. And that's a slightly surprising result which nobody had explicitly stated before. It allows us to understand these processes in a way that could be important for potential therapeutic responses."

Thanks to a recent funding grant from blood cancer charity Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research, Dr Lo Celso and her team hope to refine the models outlined in the paper to more accurately simulate conditions in the human body.

Professor Stumpf added: "We want to make the model more useful, and find cases where we can break the model if it's incorrect. Its simplicity means that it's fairly robust, but we hope to reproduce the real complexity of the competition between HSCs and LSCs."

###

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?

AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.

Public release date: 22-Jan-2013
[ | E-mail | Share ]

Contact: Gilead Amit
44-020-759-46702
Imperial College London

Researchers at Imperial College London have shown that keeping healthy blood cells alive could be a more important tool in the fight against leukaemia than keeping cancerous cells at bay.

The team used computer modelling to show that maintaining a friendly environment for healthy cells was more effective than targeting the damaged cells directly. This result could change the way leukaemia is treated, as cancer treatment has traditionally relied on fighting disease rather than maintaining health.

A better understanding of the processes taking place in the bone marrow could therefore allow doctors to take earlier and more targeted action in combating leukaemia.

A cancer of the blood, leukaemia is thought to survive and grow through the action of leukaemia stem cells (LSCs), which multiply within the bone marrow. Here they face competition for resources with haematopoietic stem cells (or HSCs), which are responsible for producing and maintaining all the different varieties of healthy blood cell within the body.

The paper, published in the Journal of the Royal Society Interface today, is the first attempt to model competition between these two types of cells using methods borrowed from the world of ecology.

Lead author Adam MacLean said: "The first researchers to model competing populations mathematically were looking at predators and prey - famously lynx hunting wild hares. Whilst we don't have predator and prey cells, we have two cellular species who directly compete against each other for resources, and our models analyse how that competition plays out within the biological niche of the bone marrow."

The team carried out computer simulations to find conditions that would result in vanishing numbers of leukaemia cells. They found that the greatest chance of beating leukaemia came from maintaining a healthy population of HSCs, rather than trying to eradicate the LSCs directly.

According to Michael Stumpf, Professor of Theoretical Systems Biology and one of the paper's co-authors, "maintaining health is more likely to eradicate leukaemia than fighting leukaemia directly without taking care of the healthy stem cells. And that's a slightly surprising result which nobody had explicitly stated before. It allows us to understand these processes in a way that could be important for potential therapeutic responses."

Thanks to a recent funding grant from blood cancer charity Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research, Dr Lo Celso and her team hope to refine the models outlined in the paper to more accurately simulate conditions in the human body.

Professor Stumpf added: "We want to make the model more useful, and find cases where we can break the model if it's incorrect. Its simplicity means that it's fairly robust, but we hope to reproduce the real complexity of the competition between HSCs and LSCs."

###

---

[ | E-mail | Share ]

?

AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.

Source: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2013-01/icl-hhc012213.php

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Apple home pages through the ages

Over the last 15 years, Apple launched a website, found their footing, and then refined their internet brand slowly but surely. Charlie Hoehn compiled the history of the Apple.com home page into a slide show and posted it on his site, charliehoehn.com:

I was looking at screenshots of Apple.com?s former homepages (using the Internet Archive Wayback Machine) and decided to compile them into a slideshow. With the exception of Apple?s homepage in 1997, it?s pretty remarkable how little the core design has changed:

Pure design porn. Check it out.

Source: charliehoehn.com via Bjango

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheIphoneBlog/~3/2tRIYJ8lp1E/story01.htm

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Christian family chronicles: Travel Insurance Family Uk

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Source: http://fernandokern.blogspot.com/2013/01/travel-insurance-family-uk.html

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Source: http://avchat.net/phpfox/index.php?do=/blog/3356/blancpain-watches-francesca-jewellery-diamond-watches-watche/

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Source: http://teenasharma589.blogspot.com/2013/01/blancpain-watches-francesca-jewellery.html

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Skin Care for Winter : Ideas For Women Health and Fitness Blog

Your skin is your most valuable asset and is considered one of the organs that keeps you healthy. It has functions most often not thought about like protecting your muscles and ligaments, holding in moisture, helping to regulate your temperature, indicating your state of health, and acting as a barrier to bacteria. So how can we best take care of our skin in the harsh winter months?

First of all you may have to change your mindset just a tad. Most women think of their skin in terms of wrinkles and how old their skin makes them look. These are valid considerations and when taking care of your skin you will in fact look younger. But the major reason you take care of your skin is to keep that barrier to bacteria healthy so you feel your best too.

The three major steps to good skin care are focused around the face and eye area for most women. These steps are cleansing, toning, and moisturizing.? Using a great foundation after these steps will protect your face from the sun and give you a flawless appearance making you look your best and appear younger.

The two steps important to your entire body of skin area are cleansing and moisturizing. Using a cleanser that is mild and contains moisturizers is essential to keeping your skin from flaking and itching in those dry winter months. Adding a good moisturizer to all of your extremities will add to the healthy appearance of your skin.

If you have acne or other skin conditions that cause breaks in the skin, see your physician or health care provider for suggestions on how to improve your skin. If you have signs of discoloration, a blue tint to your skin, or have mottled or rashy appearance that you cannot explain, see your doc. It may indicate a medical problem that has an easy solution.

Skin care is important. It doesn?t have to be expensive but it should do one of the three steps in the process of cleansing, toning, or moisturizing because your skin ?health matters

Source: http://blogs.ideasforwomen.com/blogs/health/2013/01/21/skin-care-for-winter/

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